Sunday, July 16, 2006

From a report in the Exurban Republican-Empire:
Acting on a tip from patriotic students at State University, Collegeville, Homeland Security forces descended on the dorm rooms of members of the so-called Free Winkie Committee to search for weapons and explosive devices. Photos of the courthouse where Winkie is being tried were discovered, and the seven students were held for two weeks on charges of aspiring to blow up the building. Yesterday a grand jury failed to bring an indictment. However, authorities also found one contraband Ritilin capsule and the remains of a marijuana cigarette in a room shared by two of the students, who thus remain in custody on drug charges. (Evidence was also discovered that the two students, both female, are “lesbian lovers,” according to sources close to the investigation.)

The students being held are Bao and Emily; they are not lovers (though they did flirt once in an S & M chatroom, by accident). The Ritalin capsule probably belongs to Bao’s 12-year-old brother, who must have dropped it while visiting her. (He was there at their mother’s request, to try to persuade Bao to stop her efforts on behalf of Winkie.) Emily admits to smoking pot on occasion, but in this case the roach was found underneath her carpet—a carpet that, according to college records, had been installed in 1971. (At right, the dorm after it had been searched by Homeland Security.)

Meanwhile, the parade of dubious witnesses against Winkie has continued. For example, according to the Imperial Suburban Sun, Witness C (name withheld), who wore “a black wool coat, black wool breaches, buckled boots, and a tall black hat,” testified:
Mr. Winkie was the person who seduced and compelled me into the snares of witchcraft … He promised me fine clothes for doing it. He brought poppets to me, and thorns to stick in those poppets, for the afflicting of other people; and he exhorted me, with the rest of the crew, to bewitch all of America, but be sure to do it gradually, if we would prevail in what we did.

We note only that it is unlikely that a teddy bear would counsel sticking thorns in a fellow poppet.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Rumsfeld House said...

We will be sticking more than thorns in this poppet soon enough.

July 20, 2006  
Anonymous P.B. Lewis said...

Fairly certain this is not the place for my comment, but couldn't find another...
Clifford Chase, I have never enjoyed a book in quite the same way as I enjoyed your story of Winkie...
Thank you..Not only for a great yarn, but your so well constructed,subltle, and not so subtle, look at what has become of our poor beleaguered country..
AND for one of the very best descriptions of my particular "faith"..Animism..

September 08, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

CC, thank you for the best book EVER! I love Winkie!

September 27, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home